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Tuesday, October 1, 2013

A Difficult Conversation

Every day in math class, Sasha and Tasha gossip about any events that have recently occurred in school.  Hannah, who is somewhat acquainted with Sasha and Tasha, sits in front of them and hears every word of their conversations.  What the other girls say about other students bothers Hannah, especially when she hears them talking about someone sitting in that very classroom.

It was when Sasha and Tasha started talking about the new kid from Wisconsin that Hanna decided to butt in; "James just moved here from a different state that is very far from here.  He doesn't know anyone at all here, so you should invite him to sit with you at lunch if you see him sitting alone, instead of scoffing at him for it."  At this, Sasha and Tasha's eyes widened out of astonishment that their friend Hannah had just told them not to do something.  "James is so weird; no one would want to sit with him anyway,"Sasha retorted.  Hannah sighed with frustration.  They were missing her point.  After a few seconds of time to regain her courage, Hannah said, "I don't care if you have already met him and happen to think he is weird.  What I'm trying to say is, I don't think either of you should talk about another person in a bad way, whether they are new or not new.  It's disrespectful and hurtful."  Both of the other girls rolled their eyes in exasperation.  "We'll keep that in mind," Tasha remarked sarcastically.  "I'll make sure you do," Hannah thought to herself with determination.

2 comments:

  1. I liked the topic of your piece and and how you put in the intro paragraph which gave you background on the conversation. However, I felt like sometimes the wording of your sentences took away from the piece. What you could do to improve this is rephrase Hanna's first dialogue.

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  2. The conversation Idea was good, well developed and I liked that you happen to sneak a bit of purpose into the conversation, a morale perhaps, I didn't like that the conversation was fairly unimaginative, typical remarks from both girls like one would expect in a health class. I suppose an improvement could be to make the characters have a little bit more depth, perhaps less predictability?

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